Oops
by Neuropsych
Summary: A night out with Daniel and Jack (not slash) takes an interesting turn (COMPLETE-and this time I mean it!)
1. 01

Author's note: I wrote this one night while I was working on the original Campers! Story, then forgot about it until I was rummaging through files on my laptop and saw it and realized what it was. Since I'm not working on anything now, so it won't be a distraction, I thought I'd post it. This was inspired by the bar that opened up down the street from my house, and if the idea has already been done (which wouldn't surprise me) sorry! That said: enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine.  
  
~*~  
  
"Jack!"  
  
O'Neill turned his head and looked behind him. Daniel was running down the corridor after him, and Jack stopped walking to give him a chance to catch up.  
  
"What's up, Daniel?"  
  
"Um... what are you doing?"  
  
"Walking down the hall."  
  
"I meant tonight."  
  
"I figured I'd go home and watch the game. Why?"  
  
"There's a new bar opening up. I drove by it on my way here this morning. Interested?"  
  
"Sports bar?"  
  
"No clue."  
  
"Don't you have anything to do tonight?"  
  
"No... not really. Interested?"  
  
"Not really." He saw disappointment on Daniel's face and shrugged. "But I'll come anyways."  
  
"Great." Daniel didn't want to go to a bar alone. He'd have asked Teal'c, but Teal'c was busy helping the medics that were studying Jaffa physiology, and Carter was off preparing a lecture on some far flung research project, and Daniel was half afraid if he asked her, she'd think he had plenty of free time and ask him to let her bounce her lecture off him. Which was not his idea of a fun time. "You want to meet there?"  
  
"No, I'll pick you up. What time?"  
  
"8:00?"  
  
"Fine." That'd give him a chance to get a bite to eat first.  
  
"Great. I'll see you then."  
  
"Okay."  
  
The bar was called the Shamrock. Which made Jack think that it was an Irish pub type of place. This could be promising. They pulled into the parking lot, and saw that there were a lot of cars. Apparently, he and Daniel weren't the only two that were trying out the new place. Jack parked, and he and Daniel walked down the five stairs that led to the main door. There was a bouncer there, checking IDs, but he eyed Jack and Daniel speculatively, and just waved them past. Jack figured he was watching for potential troublemakers, and knew that he and Daniel didn't look to pose much of a threat. If they'd brought Teal'c, on the other hand, they might have drawn a few more looks.  
  
~*~  
  
The phone rang.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Carter?"  
  
"Colonel?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Do you know what time it is?"  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"What's up, Sir?" Carter asked. There had to be a reason for him to call this late, and Sam was anxious to get back to her notes if there wasn't.  
  
"Daniel and I need a ride."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because."  
  
"Where are you?"  
  
"Um... at the police station."  
  
"The police station?"  
  
"Carter, just come get us." O'Neill sounded tired, and just a bit angry – although he was obviously trying to suppress it. "Please?"  
  
"Yes, Sir. Which one?"  
  
She heard him asking someone where he was, and heard a deep voice mumble a reply.  
  
"The one on 5th and Washington."  
  
"I'll be right there, Sir."  
  
"Thanks." He hung up.  
  
Carter stared at the phone for a moment, then shook her head and reached for her car keys.  
  
Twenty minutes later, she was walking through the door, showing her military ID to the officer that was sitting behind the information booth. He waved her through the metal detector, and she headed down the hall, more than a little curious what was going on. She took only a few minutes to find the room that the information officer had sent her to, and rapped lightly on the door before opening it.  
  
Jack was there, sitting on the edge of a desk. Holding an icepack against his jaw. Daniel was there as well. He was sitting in a chair, with his head in his hands. Sam saw that there was a bandage taped along the knuckles of one hand. O'Neill was talking to the officer that was sitting at the desk he was sitting on, and he looked up when the door opened.  
  
"Sir?"  
  
"Carter! Good." Jack jumped off the desk, reached over and grabbed the back of Daniel's shirt collar and pulled him to his feet.  
  
"Come on, Daniel. Time to go home."  
  
Jackson looked at Sam, and Carter noticed he had a bruise forming on his cheek.  
  
"Sam. Hi."  
  
"Hi, Daniel. Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah." Daniel looked at Jack, who was scowling. "For now, anyways."  
  
"Good meeting you, Colonel," the officer called as Jack led the two of them out the door. Jack waved, but didn't turn around. He just walked towards the door, and Carter could tell by the way he was walking that he really was angry.  
  
Sam didn't have to show them where she parked. Her car was right out front. O'Neill didn't say anything as he walked over and got into the passenger seat. He just put on his seatbelt and looked straight ahead. Sam opened the back door for Daniel, and then got behind the wheel.  
  
"Home, Sir?"  
  
"No. We have to go pick up my truck. At the Shamrock. You know where it is?"  
  
Sam shook her head.  
  
"Head for Daniel's place. It's on the left side of the road, right up from there."  
  
Carter pulled out onto the street.  
  
"The Shamrock, huh?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"New place?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Nice place?"  
  
Daniel coughed from the seat behind her, and Sam looked in the rearview mirror at him. He was making a slashing motion against his throat, obviously telling her to change the subject. Carter's curiosity was piqued, though, and she figured if she was going to come out in the middle of the night and get them, the least they could do was tell her what happened.  
  
"Sir? Nice place?"  
  
Daniel scowled and Jack sighed.  
  
"It's a gay bar, Carter."  
  
"Really? Then why – I mean... well... what were... um..."  
  
"We didn't KNOW it was a gay bar." He looked back at Daniel, suddenly. "We didn't, did we?" He asked, suddenly needing to make sure.  
  
"No. I didn't know. I just saw it was a new place and thought we could check it out."  
  
O'Neill turned back to Carter.  
  
"We didn't know."  
  
"So... you went to the gay bar, and...?"  
  
"And some guy started hitting on Daniel. Or flirting with him. Something."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Sam looked at Daniel in the rearview mirror again, and he rubbed his face tiredly.  
  
"What happened then?" Obviously that wasn't the end of the story.  
  
"The guy's... friend... didn't like him being so close to me," Daniel said. "And he made sure I was well aware of it."  
  
"He sucker punched Daniel." Jack said.  
  
"And Jack went ballistic."  
  
Sam could believe that. O'Neill's temper was legendary, but so was his protectiveness when it came to the members of his team. Add them together and it was a recipe for a bad evening.  
  
"What did he do?"  
  
"Started a brawl. A brawl that will never be forgotten, I'm sure. Jack hit the guy. The guy dropped, and the first guy called for help. I'm not sure exactly what happened after that. I remember one of the bouncers was pretty big, though."  
  
"You shouldn't have hit him." Jack said.  
  
"You hit the bouncer?" Sam asked, looking at Daniel again. He nodded, but shrugged.  
  
"I didn't know he was a bouncer until he told me. He just came rushing up with the rest of the crowd, and I was a little dazed."  
  
"A lot dazed."  
  
"Then what happened?"  
  
"The cops came. Took everyone to the station and started sorting things out."  
  
"Were you arrested?"  
  
"Nah, we didn't start the fight."  
  
"We can't go back, though."  
  
"No. They put a no trespass order on us."  
  
Sam smiled, and O'Neill scowled.  
  
"It's not funny, Carter."  
  
"No, Sir." Oh, it was funny, and Sam couldn't wait to tell Teal'c. Jack scowled again.  
  
"There it is," Daniel said, pointing. Carter pulled into the parking lot, and Jack got out of the car.  
  
"You want me to take Daniel home?" Carter asked.  
  
"Yes!" This was from Daniel, not Jack.  
  
"Yeah, go ahead. He needs to figure out how to explain to General Hammond the phone call from the manager of the bar that Hammond's going to get in the morning."  
  
Daniel sighed, closed his eyes and leaned back against the seat. He was so doomed. 


	2. 02

Author's Note: This is the part two that was asked for, so enjoy it ! There won't be a part 3, no matter who asks!  
  
...  
  
"What happened to you?"  
  
Jack scowled.  
  
"Nothing, Sir. Just a little... misunderstanding... last night."  
  
"A misunderstanding with whom, Colonel?"  
  
Jack rubbed his face, wincing when his hand ran over the swelling on his jaw.  
  
"Have you talked to Daniel yet, today, Sir?"  
  
"Did you beat up Dr. Jackson, Colonel?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
Just then Daniel came around the corner, and Hammond saw that he, too, was bruised. There was a dark purple blotch just under Jackson's eye, and he looked tired, as if he hadn't slept very well that night. Hammond looked over at O'Neill, again, and Jack held up his hands.  
  
"I didn't do it, Sir, I swear."  
  
Daniel sighed.  
  
"We have a briefing in 5 minutes. Why don't you tell me everything while we're waiting for the others to arrive?"  
  
Without another word, Hammond turned and walked to the briefing room, fully expecting them to follow him. Which, of course, they did. After Jack flashed Daniel another look that plainly said he was never going to another bar with him again.  
  
...  
  
"I do not understand, O'Neill," Teal'c said as Jack finished telling Hammond what had happened. The Jaffa was already in the briefing room when the General, Jack and Daniel arrived, and had listened intently to the tale of the events of the evening before. Especially since his two friends looked so battered because of them.  
  
Jack sighed, again, and looked at Teal'c.  
  
"What don't you understand?"  
  
"What is a gay bar?"  
  
Jack looked for something to pound his head against. Anything.  
  
"It's a place where... um... gay people go to spend time with other... um... gay people, Teal'c." Daniel said.  
  
"They must be very happy places, with so many cheerful people," Teal'c mused. "Why, then, did you get into a fight?"  
  
Jack looked under the briefing table, debating taking his boot off and clubbing himself over the head with it.  
  
"Not that kind of gay, Teal'c," Daniel corrected, closing his eyes, and sinking his head down onto his arms, which were resting on the table.  
  
"I do not understand..." Teal'c said again. He was aware he was missing something – not uncommon at all when it came to the Tau'ri, he knew. But since he was missing it, he wanted to know what 'it' was.  
  
Sam walked in, just then, and when she saw that everyone was there, she couldn't help but grin. Which made Jack scowl once more.  
  
"Good morning, everyone."  
  
"Major Carter? What is a gay bar?" Teal'c asked.  
  
She was floored by the question, although when she thought about it, she should have known it was one he would ask once he heard the story.  
  
"It's a place where gay people... um... go. To hang out with other gay people."  
  
"Yes, I have heard that already." Teal'c was getting frustrated, and there was nothing more dangerous than an annoyed Jaffa.  
  
Jack sighed, again, and looked at Hammond, who caught the look and stood up.  
  
"You explain it to him, Colonel. That's an order. I'm going to my office. We'll reschedule the briefing for 0900."  
  
"But, Sir-"  
  
Hammond didn't even allow him to argue. He just left. Jack looked over to Daniel, who stood up, quickly.  
  
"Well... I better go... get my... um... translations... translated."  
  
Sam stood as well, before Jack could even turn to her. "I'll help you, Daniel." The two of them scurried out of the room. Like a couple of cockroaches when the lights went on, Jack thought sourly.  
  
Teal'c was watching him expectantly, and Jack shrugged.  
  
"Well, Teal'c..." He rubbed his face once more. "It's like this; when two people really love each other..."  
  
...  
  
"He's going to kill us." Sam said as soon as the door had closed behind them.  
  
"Oh yeah." Of course, Jack was already miffed at Daniel, and there were only so many times you could kill someone. "Of course, General Hammond told him to do it, not us."  
  
"I don't think that's going to matter," Carter said as the two walked down the corridor. "We should probably find a nice, quiet place to hide – I mean, work – for a while."  
  
"My office locks from the inside."  
  
"Perfect." 


	3. 03

The bouncer eyed the very large black man as he walked down the steps toward the door. The man was far bigger than the bouncer was, and had a very serious expression on his face, even though he was looking around as if curious.  
  
"ID?" The bouncer asked, holding out his hand.  
  
"I am Murray."  
  
"Do you have something that proves that?" The bouncer asked him, sarcastically. The guy looked plenty old enough, but if he caused trouble, then they'd already know his name to give to the cops.  
  
"I have documentation."  
  
The two men stared at each other, and Teal'c didn't blink. Obviously the man was waiting for something, but the Jaffa didn't have a clue what.  
  
"Can I see it?" The bouncer asked, exasperated.  
  
Teal'c reached into his wallet and pulled out his Military ID, and handed it over.  
  
"Air Force?" The guy asked, looking Teal'c over carefully. That explained a little bit. Probably the guy didn't do anything but work out in his free time.  
  
"Indeed."  
  
He handed the ID back, realizing he was holding up the line, and waved the large man through the door. Teal'c walked in, and stopped, looking around purely out of habit for any dangers that might be near at hand. He was, after all, in a new place, and you didn't get to be First Prime by allowing surprises.  
  
The room was filled with people – mostly men, but some women – loud music, smoke, and the sound of a lot of people all trying to hold separate conversations at the same time. Teal'c waited until his eyes were accustomed to the dim lights of the main room, then walked over to the bar, aware of all the looks he was getting from the patrons but ignoring them. He'd already assessed all the people in the bar, and found none that looked as if they posed a threat to himself.  
  
"What can I get you?" The bartender asked, smiling.  
  
"You may bring me water." Teal'c told him.  
  
"Water, huh?" He reached down under the counter without looking and pulled up a glass, which he filled with water from a nozzle. "You the designated driver?"  
  
"I am not driving." He'd been dropped off in a cab. He'd thought about asking Major Carter to accompany him – since Jack O'Neill had told him that he and Daniel weren't allowed, but Carter wasn't on the base by the time Teal'c had decided he wanted to see exactly what sort of place a gay bar was. So he'd gone to the surface, and asked one of the guards at the main base to call him a cab.  
  
"Sure you don't want a beer?"  
  
"If I had the desire for a beer, that is what I would have ordered."  
  
"No sweat." The bartender shrugged, definitely unwilling to get into an argument with a customer. Especially one built like a fire truck. Teal'c took the glass of water handed to him, then turned around and watched the people around him.  
  
...  
  
The phone rang.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Is this Jack O'Neill?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Colonel Jack O'Neill. I'm looking for him. Is he there?"  
  
"Who is this?"  
  
"Is this Colonel O'Neill?"  
  
"Yeah. Who's this?"  
  
"Do you know a guy named Murray, Colonel O'Neill?"  
  
Jack sat up in his bed and reached over and picked up his watch. It was way too early – or late, depending on the way you looked at it – to be having this conversation.  
  
"Yeah. Who's this?"  
  
"Officer Whitman from the-"  
  
"You're the police officer from last night..."  
  
"Yes, Sir."  
  
What would he be calling for at this time of the night? Jack wondered, rubbing his face tiredly.  
  
"What can I do for you?"  
  
"You can come down and pick up your friend."  
  
"What friend?"  
  
"Murray."  
  
"Murray?" Jack was half asleep still, but was suddenly wide-awake. "Murray's there?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"At the police station?"  
  
"Oh, yes."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Just come down, Colonel. He needs a ride home."  
  
"I'll be right there. Same place as last night?"  
  
"Same room, even."  
  
...  
  
About a half hour later, Jack knocked lightly and walked into the room. Teal'c was sitting in the same chair that Daniel had been sitting in the night before, and looked up when O'Neill walked through the door. So did the officer behind the desk, who'd been filling out paperwork.  
  
"Colonel. Thanks for coming down." He turned to Teal'c. "You're released, Murray, but try to stay out of trouble, okay?"  
  
Teal'c stood up and walked out of the room without so much as a look at the officer, or at Jack. O'Neill exchanged looks with the officer, who shrugged, then turned and followed the Jaffa down the hall and out the door. Jack's truck was right out in front, and neither of them said a word as O'Neill unlocked the passenger door for the Jaffa then went around and got in the driver's side.  
  
"So what happened?" Jack asked as he started the truck and pulled out onto the road. There wasn't much traffic this time of night, so he could turn and look at Teal'c instead of worrying about hitting someone.  
  
"I went to the Shamrock." Teal'c said, looking straight ahead.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"I wanted to see these gay people for myself. They do not look any different than other Tau'ri."  
  
"I never said they did."  
  
"I assumed they would."  
  
"So you went there..." Jack said, knowing there was far more to the story than that. "Then what?"  
  
"I went inside and looked around."  
  
"That doesn't sound like something you can get arrested for, Teal'c."  
  
"I was not arrested, O'Neill."  
  
"Come on, Teal'c," Jack pressed. "What happened?"  
  
"A man came to the place I was standing and touched me... inappropriately."  
  
Jack grinned, although he tried to hide it when he saw that Teal'c was not amused at all. The Jaffa scowled.  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"I told him to remove his hand."  
  
"And he did?"  
  
Teal'c looked forward once more. "He did not."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"The man serving the drinks told another man he was intoxicated and that he should get him off the premises. I removed his hand for him, and he pulled a weapon."  
  
"Really?" He had to be drunk, then, since Jack couldn't imagine anyone in his right mind trying to take on Teal'c with anything less than a Bradley tank.  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"Then what?"  
  
"I took it from him and pinned his hand to the bar with it."  
  
Ouch.  
  
"And the cops came?"  
  
"A fight broke out. Another man – presumably a friend – jumped on my back from behind, and others came to help him – or me, I am not certain."  
  
"You just can't go anywhere, can you, Teal'c?" Jack asked, grinning. It was obvious Teal'c wasn't injured, since he wasn't bleeding.  
  
"I cannot go to the Shamrock again, O'Neill. I have been... banned."  
  
"I know the feeling."  
  
"The fight was not my fault."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"I merely dealt with the intoxicated one."  
  
"I'm sure you controlled yourself well."  
  
"General Hammond will not be pleased. He will get a call from the manager in the morning."  
  
"Well, don't worry, Teal'c," Jack said as they pulled up to his house. It was too late to take the Jaffa to the base, anyways. "Hammond's getting to know the manager pretty well." 


	4. 04

"Tell me again why we're here, Sir?"  
  
"The manager invited me down to talk to him."  
  
"Yes, that explains why you're here... but what about me?"  
  
"You're here to keep me out of trouble."  
  
Sam looked around the Shamrock as they passed the bouncer at the door, and shrugged. The place certainly didn't look that bad. It was nicely decorated, and there was even a dance floor. A nice dance floor. And a live band. Playing crappy music, but bands could always be replaced. It was hard to believe Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c had both managed to cause brawls here. Well... not so hard to believe it about O'Neill, but hard to believe Teal'c did.  
  
"Um. Okay."  
  
Most of the patrons of the Shamrock were watching the band, or their feet as they danced, or their partner, but as the two newcomers arrived on the scene and walked to the bar, they drew an audience. That wasn't a pairing you'd normally see in a bar. An older man, and a young woman. Neither of them looking at all like they wanted to be there, and not with each other. The older man certainly didn't dress well enough that the pretty blonde was a trophy date, that was for sure. He was dressed far too conservatively for that. So people stared. And Sam scowled. And Hammond ignored all of it, and tried to look like he went to gay bars all the time with his subordinates.  
  
"What can I getcha?" The bartender asked when they arrived at the bar. He gave Sam a smile that plainly was meant to be an invitation, and she sighed. Men.  
  
"I'm here to talk to Patrick." Hammond said, leaning forward slightly to be heard over the sound of an argument that was brewing close at hand. One he ignored, since it was none of his business. That's what bouncers were for, after all.  
  
"I'll get him for you. Something to drink while you wait?"  
  
"Water. Thank you."  
  
Well, didn't that sound familiar? He reached under the bar and pulled out a glass for the General and filled it. Then looked at Sam.  
  
"You, little lady?"  
  
"The 'little lady' is an adult and deserves to be addressed with a little more respect, young man." Hammond said, sharply, bristling at the tactless treatment of one of his officers.  
  
"Sorry about that," The bartender said, smiling again. "What can I get for you, Ma'am?" His tone was mocking, and it was Hammond's turn to scowl. Sam, however, stepped up. As she did so, she noticed a stab mark in the top of the bar. Obviously made by a very sharp knife, and she wondered if this was where Teal'c had pinned the drunk's hand to the bar with his own weapon.  
  
"I'll have a beer. In a gla-"She was interrupted by someone crashing into her from the side, and Sam was knocked into Hammond, who caught her before they could both fall.  
  
"What-?"  
  
...  
  
The phone rang.  
  
And rang again.  
  
O'Neill muttered a curse, wondering if he was ever going to get a full night's sleep again, and he fumbled for the phone as it rang for the fourth time.  
  
"This had better be important..."  
  
"Is this Colonel O'Neill?" Oh, that voice was familiar.  
  
"What? Yes. Again?"  
  
"I'm afraid so, Colonel. Could you come down and pick up your friends, please? They need a ride."  
  
Friends? Who could it be? Half his friends were already banned from ever returning to the Shamrock, and the other half rarely went out, anyways.  
  
"Yeah. Gimme time to get pants on."  
  
He dragged himself out of bed and looked for something to wear.  
  
...  
  
Half an hour later, he was walking through the police station. The very familiar police station. Obviously, the police officers didn't miss this fact, either, because a few of them actually greeted him by name as he passed them.  
  
He went to the room, and knocked, then opened it, and had to admit that the pair sitting there was the last pair he'd actually expected to see. Hammond was holding an ice pack to his lip; a bruise was forming below his right eye, and he was wearing as thunderous an expression as Jack had ever seen. Sam looked a little better, although she, too, was holding an icepack – to her hand, which had a bandage on it.  
  
"You two all right?"  
  
"We're fine, Colonel." Hammond said, obviously angry, as he stood up and headed for the door.  
  
"Carter?"  
  
"I'm fine, too, Sir. Thank you." She flashed him a slightly guilty smile, and followed Hammond out the door and down the hall.  
  
Jack looked at the officer behind the desk, but the man shrugged. He didn't ask. He didn't tell. O'Neill sighed, and followed the two out the door.  
  
Hammond held the door of Jack's truck open for Sam so she could get into the jump seat in the cab, and didn't say a word as they all got in and buckled up.  
  
"So... uh... Where to?"  
  
"I need to get my car, Sir."  
  
"And it's at...?"  
  
Sam sighed.  
  
"The Shamrock."  
  
"Oh?" Jack asked, looking at her in the rear-view mirror. "Shamrock, huh? Nice place?"  
  
Sam scowled, but O'Neill was just getting started.  
  
"I hear it's new." He said. "Not a very Military friendly sort of place, though, from what I'm told."  
  
"Jack..." This was a warning from Hammond, in the form of a growl.  
  
"... like the Air Force's own Bermuda Triangle," O'Neill said, just warming up to his topic. He looked at Carter in the mirror again, and the Major sighed. He was at his worst when he was getting even, and she knew it. Now she was experiencing it first hand. And to judge from the amused gleam in his brown eyes, Jack was enjoying himself immensely.  
  
"Colonel..." Another growl from Hammond.  
  
"Sorry, Sir." Jack said, sounding anything but. They drove in silence for a short time, but Jack's curiosity was piqued, and he had to ask.  
  
"So... what happened?"  
  
"We got into a fight." Sam said.  
  
Well, duh. Jack wasn't a rocket scientist, but he could have figured that one out on his own.  
  
"We didn't start it, though," Hammond said, abruptly. Damn Daniel Jackson for not picking up his telephone!  
  
"No, we didn't start it." Sam agreed.  
  
"So one magically started beside you, and you felt left out?"  
  
Hammond scowled.  
  
Sam scowled.  
  
Realizing he wasn't going to get an answer, Jack asked. "Are you banned?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"So you got banned for standing to the side and not starting a fight?"  
  
Hammond scowled again.  
  
"We got banned because the sonuvabitch that was behind the bar decided to come over the bar and pretend to do the bouncer's job for them, and instead of taking care of the fight, he tried to use the diversion to make an inappropriate advance on Major Carter."  
  
"With you standing there, Sir?"  
  
"Oh, yes."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
There was silence in the truck. Jack looked over at Hammond, who was scowling, then at Sam, who was smiling slightly, and trying desperately to hide it.  
  
"Major?"  
  
"He... um... told me to lose Grandpa, so we could go dance."  
  
"He didn't mean dancing, I'm sure?" Jack asked, grinning broadly.  
  
Hammond scowled again. Or hadn't stopped. Jack wasn't sure.  
  
"Oh, no, Sir. I'm sure he didn't."  
  
"Then what happened?"  
  
"The uh... General... hit him."  
  
"Ah..." Jack looked over at Hammond, who was looking straight ahead. "And that started the fight?"  
  
"No, it just added to the one that was already going on. We sort of got swept up in it, and things got a little out of hand."  
  
Jack was definitely sorry to see the Shamrock coming into view down the road. He was thoroughly enjoying this conversation, and couldn't wait to tell Daniel about it. Teal'c, too, probably, but Daniel would definitely enjoy this. He pulled up beside Carter's car, and Hammond practically broke the door handle off in his haste to get it open.  
  
"You want me to drive you home, Sir?" Jack asked, thinking please say yes, please say yes.  
  
"No, Colonel. Major Carter can drive me."  
  
Aw, Damn it!  
  
Sam smiled, as if she knew what Jack was thinking, and O'Neill returned it as Carter got out of the truck.  
  
"Thanks for coming to get us, Sir."  
  
"Oh, no, Major," Jack said. "Thank you for having them call me." 


	5. 05

"Colonel O'Neill?" Hammond sighed as he called Jack's attention back to the briefing he was trying to run – again.  
  
"Sorry, Sir." Jack jerked his head back up, and widened his eyes, trying to look for all the world as if he were interested in what was going on around him. But he was tired. And a tired Jack is a very unfocused Jack – especially when it comes to a briefing, when he was usually not paying attention anyways. "I didn't get much sleep last night."  
  
Hammond scowled, and Daniel looked sharply at the General once more. When he'd entered the room for the briefing only half an hour before, the archeologist had been surprised to see Hammond sporting a bruise on his cheek – close enough to his eye that it had even give him the appearance of a black eye. Of course, he couldn't really ask what had happened – for a number of reasons. Instead, he'd sat down, and waited for the briefing to start.  
  
Then Sam had walked in, followed closely by Jack, and Daniel saw that Sam, too, was slightly injured. Her hand was bandaged, in a similar manner to Daniel's own. Of course, Daniel's hand had been injured punching the bouncer at the Shamrock, and Daniel doubted that Carter had punched Hammond.  
  
As the briefing continued, though, Daniel knew he was missing something. Something that Jack knew, but he didn't. Hammond wasn't as firm with O'Neill as he normally was. He called him to attention a few times – Jack looked like he was ready to fall asleep any minute – but the General probably should have chewed him out good for such an obvious lack of attention, and instead he'd simply scowl, or sighed a sigh of long suffering. Which made Daniel even more suspicious. He couldn't wait for the briefing to end so he could corner Jack and find out what was going on.  
  
"Try to pay attention, Colonel," Hammond said, giving one of the sighs. "Doctor Fraiser's going to be here shortly, and you're going to have to understand what she tells you about the G'werians, or you're going to be lost when she takes you to meet them."  
  
"Yes, Sir." He almost immediately zoned out again as Sam finished telling them about the planet Janet Fraiser had been visiting in a medical exchange program of sorts.  
  
"SG-4 found an herb on P56-998," Sam said, looking over at Jack, who was counting the little painted flowers on his paper drinking cup, "that appears to be able to help control bleeding by clotting blood ten times faster than if we rely on our..." She trailed off when Janet Fraiser knocked lightly on the door.  
  
The doctor was looking far more tanned than normal, and very relaxed for her 5-day break from the trials and tribulations of putting up with the people of the SGC. Not that she didn't love them, and her job – she did! – but it was nice to get away, and the sun had been wonderfully bright and warm, and the oceans on P56-998 were warm and there was plenty of time from her studies to swim and relax.  
  
"Sorry I'm late, Sir."  
  
"No problem, Doctor."  
  
Janet started to sit down next to Daniel, and then realized he looked rather battered. His cheek was bruised, and his right hand was bandaged. He looked like he'd been in a fight. But she knew him better than that.  
  
"What happened to you?" She asked, forgetting that this was a briefing. She was, after all, a doctor, and Daniel was one of her friends.  
  
He scowled, and cast a guilty look over at Jack. A look that Janet followed, and she saw that O'Neill, too, looked a little beat up. Nothing serious, but there was a nasty bruise on his jaw, and he, too, had a bandage on his hand.  
  
"Did Colonel O'Neill beat you up?"  
  
Jack scowled. Fraiser had meant to ask the question softly, but her surprise had made the question a little louder than intended.  
  
"I didn't beat him up, Doc." Jack said. "I should have, though."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
She looked at Hammond, and saw that he, too, was bruised. A quick glance at Sam proved that her hand was bandaged similarly to Jack's and Daniel's and – yes – even Hammond had bruises on his knuckles she could see, although his weren't bandaged.  
  
"What in the world happened?" Janet asked, voicing the question that Daniel had wanted to ask Sam and the General, but didn't want to have anyone ever ask Jack, since that would just remind O'Neill he was mad at him, still.  
  
Everyone in the room scowled, and Fraiser would have laughed if not for the fact that they were all beat up-looking. She turned to Teal'c, and saw a scowl on his normally immobile face as well, although no bruises. Of course, he had Junior, so there very well could have been some.  
  
"How was the trip, Doc?"  
  
"It was fine, Colonel, thank you." She said. She wasn't going to be swayed from her original question, though. She turned to Teal'c, knowing he was the one to get the information out of. "What happened to them?"  
  
"I am uncertain what happened to General Hammond and Major Carter. Daniel Jackson and O'Neill were involved in a brawl." Teal'c didn't have any reason to keep this a secret.  
  
"Really? A brawl?" Janet smiled slightly, wondering what she'd missed.  
  
"Oh, don't think it's that easy, Teal'c," Jack aid, scowling at the Jaffa. "Let's not forget what you did to the guy that groped you. You started your own little brawl, don't forget to mention that."  
  
Teal'c scowled.  
  
"Someone groped you?" Janet asked, amazed. THAT seemed unlikely.  
  
"It was a misunderstanding."  
  
"You pinned his hand to the bar with a knife," Daniel said, more than happy to have the attention on Teal'c – and off HIM. "That's a pretty big misunderstanding."  
  
"For groping you?" Janet asked. That seemed a little extreme. Even for Teal'c. Jack? Well... maybe not so extreme for Jack, who had the nastiest temper Janet had seen in some time, but Teal'c was usually as cool as the other side of the pillow.  
  
Teal'c scowled again, and was clearly not going to answer any more of her questions.  
  
"Doctor? What did you find out about the people of P56-998? Are they fully human? Can their herb thing be used for the people here on Earth?" Hammond wanted to get the attention back on the briefing, and off the injuries, before she decided to ask what had happened to him.  
  
If it had been anyone else, she would have ignored his question and continued her own grilling, but Hammond was a General, after all, and Fraiser backed down. Although the look she gave the others plainly said she wasn't finished with them.  
  
"Yes, Sir. They're human stock, and I'd like to run a few more tests on them, but I do think that we can find many applications for this herb. And even better; it's very abundant there, and they're more than willing to share it with us."  
  
Jack started counting the hairs on the back of his hand. 


	6. 06

"So..."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Sam!"  
  
"Janet!"  
  
The two women were sitting in the commissary right after the briefing. Janet hadn't been able to get out of the room fast enough, once her curiosity had been piqued, and she hadn't missed the chance to invite Sam for a cup of coffee – ostensibly to talk about her mini-vacation – but no one was fooled. They all knew that Janet Fraiser was going to grill her friend and find out what had happened to the members of the SGC in her absence. They were also fairly sure she would be unsuccessful.  
  
"What happened to your hand?"  
  
Carter held up her good hand, and looked at it innocently.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"I'm going to find out."  
  
"Not from me."  
  
"Colonel O'Neill will tell me."  
  
"I doubt it."  
  
"Just tell me about the brawl..."  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"There was more than one?"  
  
"I can't tell you."  
  
"Why not?" Janet felt ready to pull her hair out.  
  
"General Hammond told me not to discuss it with anyone. I'm going to assume he meant you, as well."  
  
"Why would he do that?"  
  
"I couldn't tell you."  
  
"Sam!"  
  
Carter smiled. Not that she normally enjoyed driving Janet crazy, but she'd been ordered by Hammond not to discuss his injury or hers with anyone – presumably to keep the rest of the SGC from finding out that their Commanding officer had been in a bar room brawl, but Sam was sure there was more involved. Like dignity. Of course, the General had handled himself well, so he had nothing to be ashamed of, but Sam could understand his position, and she did as she was told. Even to the point of telling Janet Fraiser that she'd have to find a different source of information.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"I'm the medical officer! I have to know what's going on with my people."  
  
"None of us are dying."  
  
"I'm going to find out." She said, resolutely.  
  
"Good luck."  
  
Janet scowled, and left the commissary without finishing her coffee. Carter watched her go, still grinning. Fraiser was in for a rough morning.  
  
................  
  
"Daniel!"  
  
Jackson turned when he heard someone calling his name, and groaned softly when he saw Janet come rushing up to catch up to him. He forced a smile, though – he was really glad she was home safely, of course, he just knew what she was going to ask him.  
  
"Hi, Janet. How was the trip?"  
  
"It was fine. I got a lot of sun. What happened to you guys?"  
  
"You look nicely tanned." Daniel observed.  
  
"What happened? Where did you guys get into a brawl?" She wasn't going to be distracted.  
  
Daniel hated the look of frustration on her face, but there was no way he was going to tell her. First of all, it was embarrassing. Second of all, Jack would kill him.  
  
"I can't tell you that."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because I value my health."  
  
"Someone threatened you?"  
  
"No. He didn't threaten me, but he didn't have to."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Nothing, Janet. What did you say the name of that herb was...?"  
  
"You're changing the subject." She accused him.  
  
Daniel nodded. "I can't tell you what you want to know. I'm sorry."  
  
"Teal'c will tell me."  
  
"Oh, I doubt that."  
  
So did she.  
  
"I'm going to find a great big needle, and use it on you the next time you're in for shots." She threatened.  
  
He nodded. Still better than having Jack pull his toenails off with pliers, or something equally awful.  
  
"You're not going to tell me?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"Damn it."  
  
She turned and walked back down the corridor, mumbling to herself, and Daniel watched her go, breathing a sigh of relief.  
  
..........................  
  
Jack looked up at the knock on his door, and wasn't really surprised to see Janet Fraiser standing there. He sighed, and lifted his head from his hands, and gestured for her to come in. Which she did.  
  
"Colonel."  
  
"Doctor."  
  
"You're looking tired. Any particular reason why?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
The bruise on his jaw was maybe a couple days old. Maybe three.  
  
She sat down in the chair across his desk from him, and studied him, but Jack had been interrogated by far more imposing people than her, and being stared at was nothing new for him. He didn't say anything. He just met her gaze and waited for her to crack.  
  
"What happened to you?" She finally asked, realizing that he wasn't going to budge. If it was a serious medical problem, she could have had a chance, but something like this wasn't serious enough for her to be able to just up and bully him, and they both knew it.  
  
"Well..." Jack leaned back in his chair, and put his feet up on his desk. "It all started when I was six... I had this-"  
  
"What happened to your face?" She wasn't amused, but Jack was, and his dark eyes were twinkling with good humor.  
  
"That's classified."  
  
"Colonel..."  
  
"Doctor..." He shook his head. "I know you're fishing, Doc, but I'm not biting. I'm not even nibbling. If you want to find out what happened, you're going to have to find out somewhere else. I'm not telling."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"That's classified, too."  
  
"Did General Hammond order you not to tell me?"  
  
Jack shook his head.  
  
"You're just not going to tell me?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"That's not fair."  
  
"I know. Ask Major Carter."  
  
"She won't tell me." The frustration in Fraiser's voice made Jack grin, and the doctor scowled.  
  
"I'm going to find out."  
  
"Eventually, I'm sure you will. But not from me."  
  
"Come on, just tell me why you got into a brawl..."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Did you beat up Daniel?"  
  
"Nope. I already told you that."  
  
"Did you hit General Hammond?"  
  
"Are you nuts? Of course not."  
  
"Did Daniel?"  
  
"Not as far as I know. But then, you'd have to ask him."  
  
"Daniel?"  
  
"Or Hammond."  
  
"Daniel won't tell me anything."  
  
"You already asked him?"  
  
She nodded, and Jack grinned. Daniel had been the one he wasn't sure would keep the secret. He had to know Jack wasn't really going to kill him if he told, after all. He'd be miffed, oh yeah, would he! But it'd take a lot more than that to make Jack actually hurt Daniel.  
  
"It's not funny," Fraiser snapped.  
  
"Oh, it is."  
  
"This isn't fair."  
  
"So you've said."  
  
She wasn't going to find out anything from him. Fraiser scowled, and stood up. "The next time you get a paper cut, I'm going to stitch it up to your elbow." With that threat, she turned around and stomped out of his office. She'd find someone who'd tell her. Eventually. 


	7. 07

Author's Note: Nah, chapter 6 didn't end it. I'd never leave poor Janet so frustrated. Hehe. I'm not sure where this will end (obviously I didn't end it at chapter 2 like I said I was going to – apparently, I'm very bad at saying no when someone flatters my writing abilities) but it'll say 'the end' when I do end it... and it'll probably be done then... who knows?  
  
..................  
  
"Hi, Teal'c."  
  
"Hello, Doctor Fraiser."  
  
"Long time no see."  
  
Teal'c didn't even look up from what he was doing.  
  
"It has only been approximately two hours. That does not qualify as a 'long time'."  
  
So much for small talk.  
  
Janet sighed, and leaned against the wall of the armory and watched as the Jaffa did routine maintenance on his staff weapon. She'd pretty much ended up seeking him out from desperation. Her head was going to explode she was certain if she didn't find out what had happened while she was gone, and she'd debated between Hammond and Teal'c for a few long moments before she'd decided that of the two Teal'c was probably her best bet. Hammond had ordered Sam not to tell her anything, after all, which meant he wasn't going to tell her anything, most likely.  
  
"Well... it's been five days since I saw you and the others, you know."  
  
"Yes. I am aware of this. It is good to have you back."  
  
Again, he didn't look up from his staff weapon. Janet wondered if it were intentional or not.  
  
"So... what have you been up to while I've been gone?"  
  
"I have no intention of telling you what happened." Teal'c had never been one to beat around the bush.  
  
"Aw, come on, Teal'c."  
  
"No." He looked up at her, and she saw his eyes were serious, and his expression as unyielding as ever. Damn. She should have chosen Hammond.  
  
"Give me a hint, at least?"  
  
"I am not good at giving hints."  
  
"I can teach you."  
  
"Perhaps another time."  
  
"Why won't you tell me?"  
  
"Have you asked the others?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What did they tell you of the events that have occurred during your absence?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Then I shall tell you the same."  
  
"Damn it." She couldn't even think of anything good to threaten him with. He never needed needles, or stitches. Stupid Junior!  
  
There were so many little clues, and yet none of them made any sense! Someone had groped Teal'c. Jack had it someone – and been hit by at least one someone. Someone – not Jack – had hit Daniel. And Hammond. And they both had signs of having hit someone else as well. And even Sam carried the mark of the brawl – brawls. She might even have a bruise or two of her own, under her makeup. Not that she would tell Janet!  
  
Fraiser scowled, and left the armory, apparently unnoticed by Teal'c. She was going to go to her infirmary, where people couldn't ignore her, and think of something. Some way to get the others to tell her what she wanted to know.  
  
The Jaffa watched surreptitiously as she left, and breathed a slight sigh of relief as soon as she was out of sight.  
  
..........  
  
She spent the rest of the day asking various members of her staff if they'd treated O'Neill, or any of the members of SG-1, or General Hammond, but none of them had. And, even more annoying, no one knew what had happened to them to cause their injuries. Although they had noticed that Daniel and Jack had been hurt one day, then a day had passed, and then they'd noticed that Sam and Hammond had their injuries.  
  
So they hadn't happened the same day – which might explain why Sam had said there'd been more than one brawl. One for Jack and Daniel – or something – and one for Sam and General Hammond? But which one had involved Teal'c getting groped? And _who_ would grope a Jaffa? Definitely not someone on the base. Of course, Daniel had mentioned Teal'c pinned a guy's hand to a bar with a knife (ouch) so that meant a bar. Which might have meant there was a brawl in a bar, Daniel and Jack got hurt, and Teal'c and the others went the daft after the next to get even. But that didn't make any sense at all, and she knew that Hammond and Sam weren't really the revenge type. Teal'c was, but he wouldn't have been able to convince the others to go looking for a fight.  
  
It was so frustrating! If not for the fact that she was so ethical, she would have been tempted to use a little selective medication to get one of them to talk. But of course, she couldn't do that.  
  
But she COULD get them a little tipsy, maybe? A party to welcome herself back home? Maybe a drinking party? Janet toyed with this idea for a long time, wondering if the others would even go for it. It was pretty obvious, after all. Don't tell Janet what she wants to know. Janet has a party to get them all drunk. Not even Teal'c would believe it was a coincidence.  
  
She sighed. There was no way. Jack, for one, was way too smart to fall for something like that. Teal'c, Daniel and Sam weren't really big drinkers, anyways. She scowled, sitting at her desk and tapping her fingers on the hard wood of the desktop, wondering what she could do.  
  
Then she got an idea. And toyed with it for a while. Then she picked up the phone and made a call. 


	8. 08

"Hello?"  
  
"Jack?"  
  
O'Neill smiled, and immediately knew what was going on.  
  
"Hi Cassie. How are you, honey?"  
  
"I'm good, thanks."  
  
"Just get out of school?"  
  
"Uh huh, about an hour ago."  
  
"Talked to your mom?"  
  
"Yeah, why?"  
  
"Just curious. What's up?"  
  
"Want to come over?"  
  
"Sure. When?"  
  
"Tonight? Mom wants to have a get together."  
  
Jack wondered if Cassandra was supposed to tell him that it was Janet's idea.  
  
"I'd love to. What time?"  
  
"It's a school night, so probably after you guys get off work."  
  
"Who else is coming?"  
  
"I'm supposed to ask you to see if Teal'c, Daniel and Sam want to come."  
  
"I'll ask, Cassie. I'm sure they'll want to come. We'll see you around six, okay?"  
  
"Okay. I'll let mom know."  
  
"Do we need to bring anything?"  
  
"I'm not sure... mom didn't say..."  
  
"I'll ask her, honey." Jack grinned, although no one was there to see it. "I'll see you in a little while."  
  
"Okay, Jack. Bye."  
  
"Bye, Cassie."  
  
He hung up the phone, and got up and headed for the door of his office.  
  
.............  
  
"She sicced Cassie on you?"  
  
"On us, Daniel." Jack corrected.  
  
Sam smiled. "I'll bet a dollar to a donut Cassie was supposed to tell you it was her idea."  
  
"Oh, yeah. I'm sure of it," Jack said.  
  
"She must be pretty desperate to do that."  
  
"Oh, I don't know..."  
  
"Maybe we should just tell her..." Sam said.  
  
"What? And spoil whatever she has planned for us? No way."  
  
Daniel shook his head, grinning, but Sam frowned.  
  
"That's not very nice, Colonel..."  
  
"And setting Cassandra on us was?"  
  
"Well... no..."  
  
"There ya go. We'll pretend we don't know what's going on, and we'll see what kind of ambush she has laid out for us."  
  
"An ambush is not very effective when the ones being ambushed are aware of the trap." Teal'c pointed out.  
  
Jack grinned.  
  
Sam and Daniel couldn't help but echo it.  
  
...............  
  
"Hey, Doc."  
  
Janet looked up from her report, and feigned a look of surprise.  
  
"Colonel O'Neill. Feeling okay?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Too bad.  
  
"What can I do for you?"  
  
"I just had a call from Cassie."  
  
"Is everything all right?" She pretended to act concerned.  
  
"Yup. She just thought it'd be nice if we came over this evening. A kind of get together to welcome you home."  
  
"That was nice of her."  
  
"Yeah. So... can we come over?"  
  
"If you'd like. I'd hate to say no to her."  
  
Of course you would. Jack hid his glee behind a perfectly straight expression. He could do it when he tried, after all.  
  
"Okay. She said it's a school night, so we'll be over as soon as I can pry Carter out of her lab."  
  
"Fine with me."  
  
"Are we eating? Or just visiting? Want us to bring food?"  
  
"Sure. I'll stop and get the drinks."  
  
Oh, I bet you will. Jack nodded.  
  
"See you in a bit, then."  
  
"Fine, Colonel."  
  
Fraiser went back to her paper, hiding her eyes so he wouldn't see the triumphant look there, and Jack turned on his heel and made his escape from the infirmary before she could see the laughter that was dancing in his own brown eyes.  
  
.............  
  
"So?"  
  
"Oh, we're stopping for food, and she's going to stop and get the drinks."  
  
"Drinks?" Daniel asked. "She's going to try and get us drunk, you think?"  
  
"Think she'd do that?" Jack asked innocently.  
  
"In a heartbeat, Jack."  
  
"Me, too."  
  
He looked at Daniel and Teal'c. "Let's gather up Carter, and we'll head out. We'll grab some chicken and the trimmings, and do our own planning on the way."  
  
They walked to Carter's lab, and found that it wasn't as hard as usual to get Sam to leave.  
  
"She's really going to try and get us drunk?"  
  
"Probably not all of us, Sam," Daniel said. "Teal'c doesn't drink, and I've never seen you drunk, so she'll probably focus on Jack here, or me." Although Jack with a hangover wasn't something that Daniel thought Fraiser would want to deal with the next morning.  
  
They were walking down the corridor towards the elevator, now, and stopped talking, just in case they ran into Fraiser. But the minute they were all in Carter's car – they could have fit in Jack's truck, but this was more comfortable, and besides, if Jack was going to be drinking he didn't need to be driving, anyways – they started discussing it again as they headed off the base.  
  
"Then, she'll probably separate us a little – or suggest that Cassie take Sam and Teal'c or whoever is sober – off to help her with homework, or see something, and then try to grill the drunk ones."  
  
"Is she, in truth, that devious, O'Neill?" Teal'c asked. It seemed like a lot off effort to get the answers the doctor wanted.  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"Definitely." Daniel agreed.  
  
Even Sam had to nod. 


	9. 09

They stopped at a KFC and picked up chicken and side orders – macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy, biscuits, corn – the works. They also ordered a few extra sides of biscuits, which Daniel and Jack ate on the way over, stuffing themselves full to counter whatever drinking they might end up doing. Then they headed for Fraiser's. The entire group scowled as they passed the Shamrock, which just happened to be on the way, and they all silently vowed they weren't going to tell anyone else what had happened.  
  
Janet wasn't home, yet, but Cassandra answered the door when Jack knocked, and she was more than enough to keep them all occupied while they waited for Fraiser to come home. They put the food where it could stay hot – or cold – and then sat in the living room and chatted while Jack got on the floor and rolled around, wrestling with Cassie's dog. Only a half hour or so later, the front door opened, heralding the arrival of the doctor. Who was carrying a couple paper bags.  
  
"Sorry I'm late," She said, smiling and handing a bag to Daniel, who looked in and saw that there were a couple of six-packs of Jack's brand of beer. The man was right. As usual when it came to tactics.  
  
"No problem," Jack said, looking up at her from where he was lying on the living room floor, holding Cassie's dog at arm's length so he couldn't lick his face –although he was definitely trying to!  
  
Cassandra went over and hugged her mother, smiling up at her.  
  
"How was work?"  
  
"It was fine, honey." Janet ran her fingers through her daughter's hair, truly glad to be back home. They'd had their real homecoming the night before, of course, but it was still nice to greet each other like this, and she knew eventually Cassie was going to be old enough that she didn't want to hug every time they saw each other. "How was school?"  
  
Cassie rolled her eyes, making Janet and Sam both laugh.  
  
"Chicken for dinner, Doc." Jack told her, finally disengaging himself from the wrestling match with the dog and standing up.  
  
"Good. I'm starved. I brought beer. Help yourself."  
  
"Don't mind if I do." He headed for the kitchen and joined Daniel, and everyone else went to the table, leaving Jack and Daniel to do the serving.  
  
"Carter? Want a beer?"  
  
"No thanks, Daniel. I'm going to stick with tea."  
  
Fraiser looked slightly disappointed with this, but she hid it well. You'd only have noticed if you were looking for it, which Jack was.  
  
"Teal'c?"  
  
"I will have juice." Daniel handed him a bottle.  
  
No reaction from Fraiser that time, although Jack saw her smile when Daniel opened himself a beer and handed one to O'Neill. Dream on, Doc.  
  
They had a nice evening. It was nice to get together with Cassie and Janet and have nothing more serious to do than talk about the last five days – her last five days, not theirs. None of them, including Janet, brought up any mention of the brawls. They talked, instead, about the planet Janet had been on, the people there, the weather there, and the herb that had been the whole point of her going.  
  
Jack was interested enough in the weather and the people, but he started to zone out noticeably when they started discussing the plant life, as did Teal'c and even Daniel. Over diner, Daniel had finished his beer, but had declined another when Fraiser offered. Jack, on the other hand, had had a couple. And was now nursing another. He wasn't feeling any affects from it – he was better at holding his alcohol than that, but he was acting a bit mellower than he was truly feeling. Nothing serious, just a little less stiff than normal, and dropping a 'Sam' every now and then when he was talking to Carter. Enough to make Janet think her plan might have been working.  
  
Yeah, it was a little devious, but Jack wanted to know what she was going to do next, and it was the only way to make her advance her plan.  
  
"Another beer, Colonel?" Fraiser asked, offhandedly as she started clearing the table. Jack held his up, showing her that the bottle was still partially full.  
  
"Thanks, Doc. I probably better stop at three."  
  
"Why?" Daniel asked. "You're not driving."  
  
Jack scowled.  
  
"Because I don't want you guys to have to pour me into the car later."  
  
Sam laughed, and shook her head. "I think you can handle it a little better than that, Sir."  
  
"Yeah, probably." Jack shrugged, as if he was making up his mind, then drained his beer and stood up and went into the kitchen to get another one. They couldn't have done that better if they'd planned it that way, he thought approvingly. Obviously, Sam and Daniel wanted to know what the next step of the plan was, as well, and were eager to get Jack 'drunk' for Fraiser.  
  
"Do you have any homework?" Janet asked Cassandra.  
  
"Nope."  
  
Damn.  
  
"Then why don't you go show Sam what I brought you back from my trip?"  
  
Cassandra smiled, and stood up. Looking over at Carter she beckoned for the Major to follow her. "You HAVE to see this, Sam. It's sooo cool."  
  
"What is it?" Daniel asked.  
  
"A collection of shells mom found on the beach. They're really pretty."  
  
"I'll come look, too." Daniel said. Cassandra preened, and the two adults stood up.  
  
"I shall come as well," Teal'c said. He didn't care about shells. Not really. But it was more interesting than watching O'Neill drink, and watching Fraiser fidget.  
  
The four of them walked down the hall to Cassandra's room, and Janet looked over at Jack. Who looked back at her as he took another drink of his beer.  
  
"You know what I'm doing, don't you?" She asked.  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
Fraiser scowled.  
  
O'Neill grinned.  
  
"The beer's good, though. And the company was nice."  
  
"Why won't you just tell me?"  
  
"It's a long story, Doc."  
  
"We have all night."  
  
Jack pretended to look shocked. "Was that an invitation?"  
  
"You know better."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Come on, just tell me. If it's embarrassing, I won't laugh."  
  
"Yes, you would."  
  
"So it's embarrassing?"  
  
"Not for me."  
  
"For the others?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Well... crap. He'd never tell her if it meant breaking a promise to one of his team not to tell. She'd have to get him seriously liquored up. Far more seriously than she wanted to.  
  
"How embarrassing? On a scale of one to ten?"  
  
He shrugged, and took another drink of his beer.  
  
"I'm not going to tell you, Doc."  
  
"Damn it, Colonel. Just a hint?"  
  
"Uh uh."  
  
"Was it at a bar?"  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"Someone's house?"  
  
He shrugged again.  
  
"Jack... come on... throw me a bone."  
  
It was a measure of just how much she wanted to know. He could count on one hand the number of times Janet had called him by his first name. Maybe he felt a little guilty. Maybe he felt a little sorry for her. Maybe he just wanted to get her to leave him alone? Maybe he'd had a drink too many, but Jack decided to give her a hint.  
  
"A new place opened up, and we checked it out. Things went... badly."  
  
"What?" She couldn't believe he'd said anything. "What new place? Where?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"That's all you're getting, Doc. And I mean it. Stop asking."  
  
He took another drink of his beer, and leaned back. The conversation was over, she knew it this time. 


	10. 10

The phone rang.  
  
"No..."  
  
Jack groaned, ignored it, and buried his head under his pillow.  
  
The phone rang again.  
  
"I'm not answering you..." Jack told it, turning his head and looking at the clock. It was after midnight, and he'd only just gotten to sleep.  
  
It rang again, and he swore softly, and picked it up. After all, it was probably the SGC, and there were probably aliens attacking the Earth this very minute, and Jack was going to have to save the world. That was what he did, after all.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Colonel O'Neill?"  
  
"Who's attacking the world?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Jack sighed, waking up a little bit more as he realized that the voice was familiar.  
  
"What can I do for –"  
  
"This is officer Ma-"  
  
"From the police station, right?"  
  
"Yes, Sir."  
  
"Don't they ever give you a night off?"  
  
The man on the other end of the line laughed.  
  
"I was going to ask you the same thing."  
  
"I don't have anymore-"  
  
"I have someone here who needs a ride home."  
  
"Another brawl?" Jack asked, sitting up in disbelief.  
  
"I'm afraid so."  
  
Jack sighed.  
  
"I'm on my way."  
  
...............  
  
He was sober enough to drive. He hadn't had all that many beers at Janet's house and Sam had driven him to the base to get his truck when they left Janet's, and he'd driven himself home no problem. He was tired, though, and couldn't help but feel just a bit surly as he pulled the truck up to the police station. Whoever it was he was getting – and he assumed it was probably Daniel or Sam – since Carter had dropped Teal'c off at the base the same time she'd dropped him off to get his truck, so Teal'c was probably safely in his quarters. So either Sam had decided to go do something instead of going home, or Daniel had once Janet had dropped him off at his apartment. That someone was going to get their ass chewed.  
  
He walked through the metal detector, flashed his ID at the police officer who was already waving him through, and headed down the hall. He knew the way, and they all knew it. He went to the door, knocked, waited for a response, and opened it up and went in. And stopped.  
  
Janet Fraiser was sitting there, talking to the police officer, and holding an ice pack against her jaw. She looked up when Jack opened the door, and stood up.  
  
"Doc." Jack grinned when he saw her, but Fraiser wasn't amused at all.  
  
"Colonel."  
  
She walked past him and out the door, and Jack looked at the police office sitting behind his desk.  
  
"I'll be waiting in your truck."  
  
"It's right out front."  
  
She nodded, and O'Neill crossed the room.  
  
"Do you think I should just set up a cot here?" Jack asked the man.  
  
"If your friends didn't use it I could."  
  
O'Neill grinned, despite being tired, and he sat on the edge of the desk.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"Ask her."  
  
"I'd rather you told me."  
  
..........  
  
She was leaning against his truck under the watchful eye of a couple police officers that didn't like her standing out in the night alone. Jack hadn't thought to give her the keys, and he'd forgotten that he'd locked it. He waved a good night to the cops, and unlocked her door for her. Then he got in; made sure she was buckled, and started the truck.  
  
"Home?"  
  
"I need to get my car."  
  
Oh, and didn't THAT sound familiar?  
  
"Where is it?"  
  
"Just take me home, Colonel," Janet said, obviously changing her mind. "I'll get the car in the morning."  
  
"How did you find out?" He asked. No sense hiding what he knew.  
  
"Two and two." She said, flushing slightly when she realized what he meant. "When we took Daniel home, I saw the new place down the road, and decided it HAD to be the place you were talking about."  
  
"So you checked it out?"  
  
"I took Cassie home and asked the neighbor if she'd come watch her, then went to see for myself if it was."  
  
"Could have just asked."  
  
"You wouldn't have told me."  
  
No. She was right. He would have clammed up.  
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"What did the cop tell you?"  
  
"Where your car was."  
  
"I went in – did you know it's a _GAY_ bar?"  
  
"Oh, I know it now." He assured her. "Why did you go there?"  
  
"To see if I could find out what happened."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"So you decided to get in a fight to see what it was like?"  
  
"Of course not." She snapped.  
  
He looked over at her, and she sighed, and rolled her eyes.  
  
"I went in and asked around."  
  
"And...?" That was hardly going to start a fight.  
  
"And that place is not very friendly."  
  
"No." Didn't he just know that?  
  
"What happened?" He asked again.  
  
"I shouldn't tell you."  
  
"I already know."  
  
"You do not."  
  
"You hit the bartender."  
  
"How did you know th-"  
  
"I asked the police officer."  
  
"That's not fair."  
  
Jack shrugged.  
  
Janet scowled.  
  
"So, why did you hit the bartender?"  
  
"I didn't go in there planning on hitting him."  
  
"And yet, you did."  
  
"I didn't hit him. I asked him about you guys, and Sam and General Hammond. He didn't remember you and Daniel, but he remembered Teal'c. And he remembered Sam and the General, and wasn't very nice when he was telling me about them. And then he had the audacity to make a pass at me."  
  
Jack smiled.  
  
"It's not funny." She told him, snapping once more. "They shouldn't let that man work with the public."  
  
"Well... it's not like he has a lot of options for female companionship there, I imagine."  
  
Janet sniffed, not at all amused. Secretly, Jack wasn't amused, either. He wanted a crack at the sonofabitch for being such an ass, but of course, that wasn't going to happen. At least the women hadn't put up with his crap, either. Sam had had a piece of the guy, and now Janet had as well. Hopefully, his lesson would be learned.  
  
"I didn't start the fight, though."  
  
"Of course not." That was a familiar theme, too.  
  
"I didn't."  
  
"So what did?"  
  
"Some women were arguing, and it escalated."  
  
What were they paying the bouncers there for?  
  
"So you took advantage of the fight, and jumped behind the bar and beat up the bartender?"  
  
"Of course not."  
  
"He came around and asked you to hit him?"  
  
"He tried to jump over the bar, tripped and landed on me."  
  
"Really?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"I don't think he was planning on it, but I wasn't sure."  
  
"So you hit him just for GPs?" (General Purposes)  
  
"I didn't really hit him. He hit me."  
  
"The police say he was knocked out."  
  
"He bounced off me, and hit his chin on the bar. That's what knocked him out."  
  
"The police say you did it."  
  
"I didn't."  
  
"Are you banned?"  
  
She was silent. 


	11. 11

"Doc?"  
  
Janet sighed.  
  
"Yes. I'm banned from returning." She scowled. "Not that I'd want to go back, anyways."  
  
Boy, didn't he just know that?  
  
"We're banned, too." Jack told her. No sense rubbing that in, after all.  
  
"All of you?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So?"  
  
Jack looked from the road over to her. "So?"  
  
"Are you going to tell me what happened?"  
  
He sighed.  
  
Sensing that this was her very best chance to get the story out of him, Janet pounced.  
  
"Come on. It's not like I can laugh at you. You already know what happened to me."  
  
"Is that why you did it?" He asked.  
  
"Of course not."  
  
She looked offended that he'd even suggest such a thing, but Jack was tired, and he wasn't exactly at his diplomatic best. Which, in truth, wasn't all that great at the best of times.  
  
"So, are you going to tell me?"  
  
They stopped at a red light, and Jack sighed. "Make me a cup of coffee and I'll tell you at least what happened to Daniel and me. No promises about the others."  
  
She nodded.  
  
.................  
  
"He hit on Daniel?"  
  
Jack nodded; taking a sip of the coffee she'd handed him only a few minutes before.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Was he cute?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The guy that hit on him? Was he cute?"  
  
Jack closed his eyes, tiredly. "I don't know, Doc. He wasn't exactly my type..."  
  
"What'd he look like?"  
  
"Like a guy with a jealous boyfriend whose ass I ended up kicking because he sucker punched Daniel."  
  
"Really?" That wasn't a big surprise when she thought it through as he told her the rest of the story over the next few minutes. Of course he beat the guy up. For that matter, the bartender was lucky Jack hadn't been handy when he'd hit on Janet, since she knew that O'Neill would have jumped to her defense as well.  
  
................  
  
"I'd better get home." It was late, and Jack was tired. Janet was, too, and she needed to get some sleep.  
  
"Are you okay to drive home?" He'd looked beat when he came to the police station, and it didn't look like the coffee had woken him up at all.  
  
Jack shrugged. "I'm fine." He stood up and gave her a tired smile. "I'll see you in the morning."  
  
"Will you tell me what happened to the others in the morning?" She asked.  
  
"Probably not."  
  
"But-"  
  
"It's not my place to tell you, Janet," He told her. It was a sign of how tired he was that he called her by name. "The others have to tell you."  
  
"You'd better stay here tonight, Colonel," Fraiser said, reaching over and taking his keys from him. "I think you're too tired to drive home."  
  
"I'm fine, Doc."  
  
"You're beat. And I'm not going to risk you getting into a wreck falling asleep at the wheel on the way home. You can sleep on the couch."  
  
He sat down. Another sign that he was tired. He didn't even argue with her.  
  
"I don't talk in my sleep."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said, I don't talk in my sleep. So don't try and interrogate me while I'm sleeping."  
  
Janet grinned. The thought hadn't even occurred to her.  
  
"I'll try to resist."  
  
She went into the hall, opened a closet and pulled out a couple of blankets and brought them over. Jack had already taken off his shoes, and stretched out, using one of the couch cushions as a pillow. Janet was glad she'd made the call, because he never would have made it home, she was sure.  
  
"And no kissing me goodnight..." He mumbled.  
  
"Yes, Sir," Fraiser grinned, wondering if he was even aware of what was going on around him. She covered him up and tucked the blankets warmly around him, figuring she owed him at least that much since she was the reason he'd been pulled out of bed.  
  
He mumbled something incoherent, and Fraiser shook her head. He was out. She turned off the light, and went to bed.  
  
...............  
  
Jack woke up when he felt someone sprawl on him, and whisper his name.  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
He opened his eyes. Cassandra was stretched out on him, her eyes twinkling with good health and good humor as she looked down at him.  
  
"Cassie?"  
  
She smiled, and hugged him. Something he never got at home when he woke up. It made getting forced out of bed in the middle of the night worth it.  
  
"Good morning, Jack."  
  
"Good morning."  
  
"I thought you went home?"  
  
"I came back."  
  
"Mom's making breakfast soon. Are you going to stay?"  
  
"What time is it?"  
  
"Morning."  
  
"It's 5:30, Colonel."  
  
Jack turned his head at the new voice and saw Fraiser walking down the hall. She looked like she just woke up, too, and O'Neill looked at Cassie, giving her a mock glare.  
  
"Why are you waking me up at 5:30?"  
  
"Because it's time to wake up." She grinned and rolled off the couch, and him, and stood up. "Breakfast soon. Are you staying?"  
  
"No, I'd better get home." He'd only been sleeping for a few hours, and was still tired, but he wasn't as tired as he'd been the night before. He sat up.  
  
"You're welcome to stay for breakfast, Colonel." Fraiser told him, smiling.  
  
Jack rubbed his face, tiredly, and shook his head again. God only knew what information she'd get out of him if she actually fed him something. Look what he'd told her for a cup of coffee, after all!  
  
"I'm going to go home. And go back to bed."  
  
"We have a briefing at 10:00."  
  
"I'm going back to bed." He repeated.  
  
"Tell me what happened to Teal'c, and I'll tell the General you're sick and let you have the day off."  
  
"If you don't tell the General I'm sick and get me the day off, I'll tell Hammond what happened last night." Jack countered.  
  
"You wouldn't."  
  
"Oh, but I would."  
  
Yeah. He would, and she knew it. Fraiser scowled.  
  
"Fine. Go home. Go to bed. I'll tell Hammond you're sick."  
  
She wasn't going to get anything else from him, and she knew it. Not that day anyways, and not with him knowing what had happened the night before. Janet would have to wait for another time, and another place, and maybe a different source of information. One that didn't have his own information about her to hang over her head every time she tried to get him to talk.  
  
She was patient, though, and knew eventually she'd find out what happened to Teal'c and what happened with Hammond and Carter. It would just take longer. No problem. Well... hopefully. She'd find out.  
  
The end 


End file.
